


High hopes

by serenamarisa



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: AU, Angst, Brief Smut, Happy Ending, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22189303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenamarisa/pseuds/serenamarisa
Summary: Maybe soulmates do exist?
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	High hopes

**Author's Note:**

> A one shot based off of the High Hopes music video by Kodaline.

Aaron's car was parked in the middle of the empty green field. He'd cut his hose pipe and grabbed a sock before driving out here, not entirely sure what he was going to do. He just wanted this dull ache to leave, to stop haunting him day in and day out. This was the only way out and Aaron was so close to making the pain go away completely.  
He got out of the car and made his way over to the rear where the exhaust was. Crouching down, he wrapped the grey sock around the end of the hose pipe and placed it firmly in the exhaust; so there was no risk of escaped gas. Slowly standing back up and taking a deep breath, he walked over to the passenger side of the car and squeezed the other end of the hose pipe through the gap at the top of the window. He stood there, just holding the pipe before he regained posture and went back to the driver's side, getting in the seat and closing the door behind him.  
He could hear the birds chirping, he could hear the eaves rustling in the wind and for a split second he realised how beautiful nature really was. Snapping out of his thoughts, he turned on the engine and gas started to enter the inside of the car. The gas was engulfing. It trickled into the car quicker and quicker before stinging Aaron's eyes, forcing tears to fall down his face. He leaned his head back on the headrest and breathed in the intoxicating substance attacking his lungs when he noticed something in the rear view mirror.

A person.

Confused, he turned around and looked through the back window, squinting through the cloudy gas. There was a person, a man, running down the green hill. His black and white suit was a contrast to the green and blue behind him, his tie flying in the wind.  
Aaron opened the door and got out to look, the gas following him and leaking out of the open door. The man was tall, blonde and kept looking behind him as he ran.  
When he finally got to the side of the car, the man slowed down and rested his hands on his knees, gasping for breath. Before Aaron could say anything, he heard a shout from the top of the hill which the man had just run down. There was another man in a suit, followed by about five other men in similar suits, standing at the top of the hill, all with short dark hair and beards, a few with visible tattoos.  
The blonde man quickly turned his head from looking at the ground, to the top of the hill, then to Aaron.  
"You have to help me." The man breathed out, his green eyes pleading as they stared into Aaron's. His heart lurched as he watched the man struggle for breath. The men at the top of the hill started to run down towards the car, shouting over each other.  
"Get in." Aaron ordered, motioning to the passenger door - still with the hosepipe stuck in the window. As the man got in the passenger seat, Aaron pulled the hosepipe from the exhaust and the passenger window then threw it into the back of the car before sitting back down into the drivers seat and shutting the door. With the men still running down the hill and the blonde man in the passenger seat still struggling for breath, he drove away, out of the field, confused but still reeling from the adrenaline.

***

The car journey was quiet. The man was antsy and kept fidgeting in his seat, looking in the side mirrors and through the back window; looking for the other men. Aaron decided not to ask about it, it was obviously troubling him enough already. When the man finally settled down, he ran a hand over his face and through his hair, relaxing back in the seat. Aaron reached inside his jacket pocket and found a flask of alcohol. He reached over to the passenger seat and offered it to the man who took it promptly and gulped it down, worryingly quickly. 

Aaron let out a shocked laugh after the man had downed the last of the whisky, wincing as he swallowed. "Impressive." Aaron said as he turned back to driving. The man laughed dryly and leaned back in the chair, looking out the window at the other fields passing by. 

The man had golden hair, long at the top and running down the nape of his neck. He had freckles which were painted across his cheeks and over his nose, stopping at his neck before continuing down to his chest, as far as Aaron could see. His lips were light pin and chapped at the edges, but still plump. His eyelashes were long and curled, moving with the fast movements of his eyes against the passing countryside. 

"Aaron." Aaron blurted out. The man drew his eyes away from the window and smiled faintly.

"Robert" he whispered softly. _Robert_. Aaron nodded and smiled back then focused on the long road ahead of him. 

Once they were onto a main road, Robert's concentration changed from outside the window to Aaron. Aaron could feel him looking at him but just looked ahead, ignoring the feeling in his stomach. He felt Robert reach into the back seat and fumble around with something. He wanted to look but kept his eyes on the road. Robert sat back facing forward but had his hand up in front of him. Aaron looked over and saw that Robert had his hand in a sock. That sock. He had it so it looked like a creature, moving his fingers as if the sock was speaking. Aaron looked up to Robert and he was smiling like a child. His eyes were glowing and his smile was beaming. His smile was so beautiful and the creases it made at the side of his eyes added to the raw feeling of it. Robert looked over at him, still beaming, and Aaron felt something tug at his heart sending electricity through his body and his brain, hitching his breathing. Robert looked back at the sock puppet but Aaron desperately wanted him to smile at him again, he wanted to see the pools of colour in his eyes reflected in the sunlight again. Robert started moving the sock's 'mouth' around again and brought it up to Aaron's face playfully making him laugh and move away. Their gazes locked on each other and for a few seconds they were just staring, smiles on their faces. Robert broke the moment as he cleared his throat and looked down at the sock, taking it off his hand and putting it back onto the back seats. Aaron looked back at the road.  
Once he had pulled to a stop outside his small terraced house, he looked over at Robert. His head was tilted onto his shoulder and rested against the window. His eyes were shut and his face was lying loose, cheeks hanging downwards. Aaron resisted the temptation to touch him so he quietly called his name,

"Robert" he whispered, not shaking him awake as not to startle him. Robert's eyes fluttered and he groaned out a noise.  
"Robert, um, we can get out now." Aaron said softly as he gestured towards the house, causing him to look up groggily. Aaron got out his side of the car and walked around to the passenger's side but Robert was already getting out and looking up at the house, squinting in the sunlight.

"Come on," Aaron said as he turned towards the house and made his way over to the flower pot to pick up the spare key, "you need a change of clothes. Pretty sure a coat and tie isn't very comfy, right?" he questioned as he put the key in the lock and opened the door, standing to the side to let Robert in first. 

Robert looked down at his outfit before agreeing, "Right, yeah." he said quietly. He walked into the house past Aaron, scanning the hallway. Aaron walked in behind him and shut the door. He led Robert into the kitchen and sat him down on a bench next to the table.

"I'll be two secs" Aaron said as he made his way upstairs to his bedroom to collect his own clothes for Robert. He fished around in his wardrobe and found a large white t-shirt, grey jeans and a black zipper hoodie he thought would fit. Quickly, he hurried back down the stairs into the kitchen.

"You can try on these-" he started until he saw the empty bench in the kitchen, looking askew as if someone was sitting there. At least there was when Aaron had left him there. Suddenly panicking, Aaron called out for Robert, throwing the clothes down on the table and checking out of the window. "Robert! Rob where are-" but as he ran into the back room he saw Robert stood in the middle of the room, looking at the canvases leaning against each wall. He let out a relieved sigh and stepped into the room.

The room was full of paintings, some finished and some not. There was a mixture of sizes, colours and feelings in each painting, reflecting how Aaron was feeling when he painted it. He didn't like to look at all of them, they brought back too many memories, of people, of feelings and moments. He kept them in this room and only came in to store away another painting after attempting to draw his feelings.

Robert slowly walked forward and reached his hand out to touch a painting which was resting on the fireplace. It was dark, a mixture of dark red, black and grey. The black resembled a silhouette of a creature with lots of arms, hanging off the red cliff but one arm was reaching towards a post in the cliff, just missing it. Robert's fingers trailed along the bumpy surface of paint, outlining the black silhouette.   
He turned towards the door to look at Aaron, his eyes speaking a thousand words. Aaron looked at him with a small smile then down at his feet. He knew exactly what Robert was thinking.

***

Robert got changed in another room while Aaron made them both a cup of tea placing them on opposite sides of the table. Robert walked into the kitchen in the clothes Aaron had picked. The hoodie was a bit big but it made him look snug and content. He threw Aaron some jazz hands to show him the outfit and Aaron just giggled and pointed towards the cup of tea.   
Robert sat down in front of him and rested his hands on the side of the mug. They sat in silence for a while before Robert cleared his throat.

"Um... Thanks, Aaron" he said quietly as he looked up from the steaming mug.  
"No worries, i never wear that t- shirt anyway," Aaron joked as he swallowed his tea.  
Robert laughed and looked down at the t-shirt. "Yeah, thanks for this, too"  
Aaron nodded and looked into Robert's eyes, comforting him, the best way to show someone you care without saying it.

"So, Robert." he started, breaking the ice, "do you have a surname?"  
"Sugden." Came the reply.  
"Oh, nice" he said back. _Robert Sugden_. "flows."  
"And you?"  
"Dingle."  
"Aaron Dingle." Robert pondered, "I like it."  
Aaron smiled at Robert as their eyes connected while he drunk his tea. "Are you hungry?"  
"Tired." Robert said after he'd gulped down the last mouthful.  
Aaron panicked for a second, he didn't have a spare room or any type of bed for that matter, he didn't want Robert to leave but he also had no way of keeping him comfortable here.   
"I... uhm, you know what? You can sleep on my bed." Aaron decided as he stood up and took to empty mugs to the counter.  
"Oh, no I don't want to intrude, I can just stay on the floor." Robert tried to argue but Aaron shook his head and turned back around smiling.   
"No, you're on the bed, I've slept in it loads anyway, It's comfortable, you should try it." he joked as he leaned against the counter.

Robert smiled warmly at him and spoke softly, "I will." 

***

Later on that night, Aaron was lying awake. He had laid down a few blankets as a mattress and positioned himself on the floor next to his bed. Robert had gotten in the bed silently, pulled the covers up to his shoulders and faced away while Aaron was sorting himself out. He was still wearing the white t -shirt which hung loosely around his shoulders. 

Aaron pondered the events of that day. He remembered Robert's eyes as he pleaded Aaron to help him and he remembered how scared he was when he first got into the car. What had happened? What was it that was so bad that Robert was running away? _Who_ was it? Aaron's thoughts were interrupted by rustling of bed sheets coming from above him followed by whispering.

"Aaron?" he heard Robert whisper quietly.

"Yeah." he whispered back, listening out for any other noise.

"Could you.. um.. could you come up here?" Robert hesitated nervously, still not moving. 

Aaron was surprised. Up there? With him? He sat up slowly and looked towards the bed. Robert's body was still facing away from him but he could see the side of his face as he looked up to the ceiling trying to see in his direction. "Uh yeah, sure." Aaron agreed as he gathered his pillow and put it on the other side of his bed. He slowly lifted up the duvet and lay down in the bed on his back. He could feel Robert's warmth collected in the duvet and could hear him breathing slowly next to him, still facing away.

"I don't want to be alone." Robert admitted, so quietly it was barely a whisper. Aaron paused, he looked over and watched Robert's body moving as he breathed long and slow, the duvet rising and falling with each inhale.

"You're not alone." Aaron whispered back, but the reassurance in his voice wavered as he realised these words were the ones he had longed to hear. He felt something rise in his chest but fought against it. His eyes were brimming with tears as he fell asleep, relaxed by the comforting warmth of Robert's body and the sound of his breathing.

***

Aaron awoke to soft green eyes watching him. As soon as his eyes were fully open, Robert looked away but soon looked back at Aaron, smiling gently. Aaron smiled back then sat up, clearing his throat. He looked down at Robert who was rubbing at his eyes while swinging his legs off the bed and sitting up with his head in his hands and his elbows on the top of his thighs. His top was pulled ever so slightly down his back so the neckline was exposing the back of his shoulder blades. Freckles were scattered all along the tops of his shoulders and down the top of his spine but some had been intercepted by pink marks, just hidden from view underneath the top. Aaron couldn't take his eyes off Robert's back and the mysterious pink marks that were painted onto his skin. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden movement of Robert running his hands through his golden hair and reaching down to pick something up off the floor. His sat back up and turned around to look at Aaron, a smile on his face. He held up a bundled sock which had the words 'Mr Grumpy' written over them. Aaron looked at the sock and blushed, slightly embarrassed to have owned them. Robert laughed at Aaron's sudden embarrassment and playfully threw the sock at Aaron, missing his head as he ducked away.

"Doesn't suit you." Robert joked as he stood up to use the bathroom. Aaron watched him walk into the bathroom, smiling and looked back down at the sock lying on the bed. He stood up and made the bed, putting the blankets from the floor back into the cupboard where they belonged. When he got round to the side of the bed that Robert was lying on, he plumped the pillow getting rid of the creases. He smoothed down the material but had the urge to smell it. To smell _him._ He brought the pillow up to his face and breathed in the scent. It was sweet, almost a vanilla smell mixed with some other flower. He smelled it again and the smell relaxed him, but built something up inside of his chest. His heart swelled and he placed the pillow back down carefully. 

After Aaron got changed, he made his way downstairs and turned on the kettle. He opened the cupboards but they were mostly empty. He thought back to when he'd left the day before; not expecting to return. He picked up a packet of oats and poured two bowls, using the remainder of the boiled water int he kettle to make something which resembled porridge. 

He looked up when he heard Robert step off the stairs and walk through the door into the kitchen. He was wearing a new top, this one was a navy blue and had a pocket on the left. He was wearing the same grey trousers, some of the top was tucked into the waist of the jeans and he had a woollen jacket on, hands in his pockets. 

"I... um, it was hanging on your chair, the other one was starting to smell." Robert explained, looking down at his new top.

"Oh, don't worry. I might have to kick you out if you start to smell so wear whatever you want." Aaron said jokingly, smiling back at him. He realised how much blue suited him, his eyes were shining even brighter and his smile was bigger than before when he wore it. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as he put down a bowl of porridge on the table and Robert sat down in front of it.   
Robert picked up a bit on the spoon and let it spill off. The porridge was lumpy and wet. They watched it splash off of the spoon into the bowl and Robert looked up at Aaron while still holding the spoon up.

"Don't mock." Aaron warned him sarcastically as he sat down with his own lumpy porridge. Robert laughed as he watched Aaron look down at his own with a hint of disgust on his face. He picked up the spoon and brought it up to his mouth but twisted his face as he smelled the goop on it.   
"Okay, I can't remember when I last made porridge but I know it's not meant to look or smell like this." Aaron admitted as he dropped his spoon back in the bowl.  
Robert agreed as he let out a laugh, making Aaron laugh too. Aaron loved to look at Robert when he laughed. His eyes glowed and the way his eyes squinted when his cheeks reached them was angelic. The sound he made when he laughed was beautiful and it made Aaron want to record it so he could play it back whenever he wanted. He felt like he'd known Robert forever, not less than 24 hours and he dreaded what this meant but wanted to savour the feeling.  
Once they'd stopped laughing, Robert looked up at Aaron. "We should go to the beach."

Aaron was stunned. "The beach?" he asked, "for breakfast?"  
"Yeah- well we can stop for something if you want. Something.." he looked down at the bowl of porridge, ".. edible."  
"Well, which beach do you want to go to?" Aaron asked, shocking himself with how much he was complying to Robert's suggestion.  
"You pick. I've never been to one." Robert told him.   
Aaron widened his eyes. "Never?" he repeated. Robert shook his head in reply but looked almost sad. How had he never have been to the beach? Aaron used to go all the time with his mum, almost like a rite of passage. Looking at Robert's melancholy face he stood up and took the bowls over to the sink to pour out the mess inside them. "Well, let's go then."  
Robert looked up like an excited child. "Really?"  
"Come on, it's going to rain soon." Aaron replied as he gestured to the door and picked up his jacket from the back of his chair. Robert stood up quickly and walked over to the door, a smile not leaving his face. They both got into the car and exchanged a happy glance before starting off down the road.

***

Robert's excitement didn't wear off for the whole journey. This was the most he had talked to Aaron since they met only a day ago. He was chattering about the stories he'd read about the beach, the people who had told him their own experiences of the beach. In Robert's mind, the beach was like heaven, a sacred place he had longed to go. 

"I still can't believe you've never been." Aaron said, shaking his head once he'd got a word in between Robert's excitement.   
"My dad never got time to take us" Robert said, suddenly serious and looking down at his hands. "Too busy with the farm an' that."  
Aaron looked at him sympathetically but Robert just sighed, "I'm going now though, aint I?" he said, suddenly smiling at Aaron again. He agreed and told him there wasn't long left until they would be there  
They drove up along the back of the beach, Robert had the window rolled down and was looking on, amazed by the sea washing up against the sand. His hair was moving in the wind, pushed back out of his face as he looked out. Aaron couldn't help but smile at the pure happiness in Robert's face, making him seem so much younger.   
Aaron parked up in the beach car park. The beach was empty, considering the cold autumn weather it probably wasn't the first idea of a day out. Robert jumped out of the car and breathed in the salty air. Aaron got out too but scrunched up his nose as the smell of seaweed hit him.  
"Can you smell that?" Robert asked, still facing away from Aaron with his eyes closed.  
"What? Fish?" Aaron laughed at Robert's infatuation but he was just met with a stare.  
"No, Aaron." Robert corrected as he walked towards him, his eyes now soft, "Freedom."  
Aaron opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it. Robert was right, the sea was free, it went on forever, as far as the eye could see. He never thought about it hat way.  
Suddenly, Robert had his hand in Aaron's and was pulling him down the steps onto the sand. Once they got onto the sand, Robert let go and picked up a handful of sand, letting the grains fall through the gaps in his fingers. Aaron just watched on in amazement. He decided to embrace the moment, to have as much fun as Robert was having.  
"I'll race ya." he blurted out.  
Robert looked up from his sandy hands, "what?"  
Aaron nodded towards the water at the other end of the beach "I said, I'll race ya."  
"But it's freezing." Robert laughed nervously.  
"So?"  
But before Robert could answer, Aaron had already started running towards the water. Robert dropped the sand he was holding and ran to try and catch up. They both ran into the waves, splashing as their feet collided with the water. Robert ran up to Aaron and grabbed onto his shoulder, playfully pushing him behind him.  
"You had a head start!" Robert complained jokingly.  
"You snooze, you lose" Aaron argued shrugging.   
Robert leaned over and flicked some water which was floating at his knees towards him. Aaron gasped and lifted his hands up, covering his face. Robert let out a laugh but Aaron returned the favour by splashing back at him, a bit more this time. Robert screamed and turned away but then splashed back a lot harder, almost drenching the whole of Aaron's body.   
They carried on back and forth until they were completely soaked and being almost knocked over by each other's attacks and the waves rocking at their knees. 

***  
"This has been the best day of my life." Robert said, looking up at Aaron. They were sat on the sea wall facing the horizon. They'd gone to a small cafe after they'd dried off from their game in the water and bought a portion of chips, anything better than the failed porridge in the morning.   
Robert hadn't eaten any of his chips yet. He just sat staring at the sea, at the boats, at the dog walkers walking past them.  
"It's only 1 O'clock" Aaron answered, confused by Robert's announcement.   
"I know." Robert said seriously. He picked up a chip and put it in his mouth slowly. He chewed on it and closed his eyes, facing up towards the breeze, letting his hair fly in the wind.  
Aaron gulped. He loved being with Robert and he'd known him a day. He knew how he felt about Robert, he'd felt it from that first moment.   
"I've had so much fun, Aaron." Robert finally said, opening his eyes and turning his head to look at Aaron, making his heart skip a beat.   
"Me too." Aaron whispered, not breaking eye contact.   
Robert looked down at Aaron's hand resting on the concrete and placed his own on top of it. The soft touch made Aaron's heart flutter and send his body into a frenzy. His breathing hitched and he took in a long breath. Robert smiled at him and he smiled back, contently.   
Robert's hand didn't move off of Aaron's the whole time he ate the rest of his chips. Aaron tried to look forward but his eyes kept reverting back to Robert sat next to him, smiling at everything around him.   
They sat there for a long time after that. Sometimes conversation would make it's way into the silence but the silence was not uncomfortable without it. It was relaxing. The seagulls and the waves crashing against the beach was music to their ears. 

They walked back to the car along the sand holding hands, fingers intertwined and swinging with each step. They pointed out the planes in the sky, the boats along the horizon and laughed about their day.   
Before they got to the steps towards the car park, Robert stopped. It made Aaron turn around and look up at him. He was met with Robert's eyes, wide and comforting. He looked up and down Aaron's face.   
"Why did you-" Aaron started but Robert brought his face down to Aaron's and kissed him.   
He kissed him gently and slowly, their lips just brushing together. Robert pulled back slowly so his face was still close to Aaron's and he could feel his breath against his skin. Aaron looked into Robert's eyes then back to his lips before leaning in again to push their lips together, properly this time. He lifted his arms up to hold onto the front of Robert's jacket, pulling him closer and wrapping his fingers into the fabric. 

***

They didn't do anything sexual that night. The drive home consisted of happy glances and childish giggles and when they got inside they sat, intertwined, on the sofa and drunk down the alcohol in the house. They went up to bed together, slightly tipsy but sober enough to wrap in each other's arms before falling silently into sleep on Aaron's bed. Aaron woke up first this time. His face was tucked into the back of Robert's neck and he could feel his straggly hairs tickling his forehead. Aaron's arm was draped over Robert's waist, underneath his arm and their hands were laying on top of each other's.  
He smelt amazing and Aaron leaned into Robert's shoulder to smell it more, smiling against the fabric of the t shirt. He snaked his arm out of Robert's hold, trying his best not to wake up and he made his way downstairs. He poured the last of the whisky left in the bottle into a glass and downed it in one, not wincing at the strength. He sat down at the table and looked at his hands. He daydreamed about Robert, how he felt about him and he questioned what they were going to do. Did Robert need to go back anywhere? He didn't even know why he was running in the first place, who he was running from. All he knew was that he didn't want Robert to go back and he hoped Robert didn't want to go back either. Did Robert feel the same way about Aaron?   
_'He kissed me first'_ Thought Aaron, ' _surely that means something.'_  
Cutting him from his thoughts, Aaron felt a hand on his shoulder and then a kiss on the opposite side of his head. He heard Robert breath in deeply as he kissed his head and then saw him pop round from behind him to smile and look in his eyes.   
"Morning." Aaron said softly, smiling back.  
"Morning." Robert repeated, sitting on the opposite side of the table, as usual. His hair was messy and his face had little dents on it, probably from the pillow. But his eyes looked more awake than ever. "No more slop today then."  
Aaron let out a sarcastic laugh and smiled at the joke "No, it didn't want to be ridiculed by you again."  
Robert laughed properly this time his face brightening up, "I seem to remember I wasn't the only one commenting on the extensive sloppiness of it."  
Aaron shook his head in response, but laughed a little, looking down at his hands. He urged to ask Robert what he was thinking but he didn't want to ruin things. What if Robert didn't want Aaron like Aaron wanted him? What if he wanted to go back but was just being kind by staying with him because he was alone?  
After a moment of silence, Aaron plucked up the courage to ask, "Robert what are you doing here?"  
Robert's face fell but answered with a bit of a smile on his face, "What do you mean?"  
"I mean, do you not have family? Someone who might be looking for you?" Aaron asked, too intrigued now to stop. Robert stopped smiling and looked down at his hands as he fiddled with his fingers.  
"I'm here because you saved me Aaron." Robert whispered, still looking at his hands. Aaron reached over and put his hands on top of Robert's, titling his head to look into his eyes.  
"I know, Robert." he reassured, "but I don't want you to feel you need to stay here because of me"   
Robert looked up at him, his eyes were brimming with tears and he looked hurt. He pulled his hands from underneath Aaron's. "Is that what you think this is, Aaron? A pity party?"

Aaron shook his head almost violently, "No, god, no." he said quickly, trying to reach out to Robert's hands again but they were already in his pockets, "I just don't know if you're going to pack up and leave in the night because you have a wife or a brother out there searching for you."  
"Pack up what? I didn't exactly come here on an all inclusive holiday, Aaron" he was standing up now, his hands running through his hair as he turned away from Aaron who was still sat at the table.  
"I just don't want to get used to you being around, for you to just leave me because there's a better offer somewhere else. With your family, for instance" Aaron argued, standing up but staying on his side of the table.  
"You think I'd just leave without telling ya?" Robert said, louder than before turning to face him.  
"Well how should I know?" Aaron said loudly too, shocked by how it actually came out. Robert stopped trying to argue and his face shifted into sadness, looking right at Aaron, tears still glazed over his eyes. He looked away and at the keys on the table, picking them up and walking towards the door.   
"Robert, those are my-" he started, walking after him but the door slammed loudly, shaking the house. Walking over to the front window, he saw Robert get into Aaron's car- the passenger seat side. Aaron breathed a sigh of relief as he knew Robert wasn't trying to actually _go_ anywhere. Just away from Aaron. He turned around and walked back to the kitchen, throwing himself down onto a chair and rubbing a hand across his face. He knew he needed to give Robert space so he was going to wait until he was ready. 

About 30 long minutes later, Aaron decided he was going to go out and talk to Robert, at least tell him to come back inside. He knew he was still sat in the passenger seat of the car due to his checks every few minutes to make sure he hadn't actually driven off. He could make out the top of Robert's head through the rear window of the car, leaning against the headrest.  
Aaron stepped out of the front door and walked over to the driver's side of the vehicle. He looked in through the window and saw Robert facing forward, jingling the keys between his fingers. Aaron knocked on the window and Robert looked over at him, his eyebrows furrowing as he reluctantly rolled down the window.   
"You know you have to turn the engine on for it to work." Aaron joked, trying to lighten to mood but Robert just looked back down at the keys in his hand. Aaron sighed and rested his arms on the window, "At least come inside, it's freezing out here."  
"Why did you try to do it Aaron?" Robert asked, still not looking up.  
"I don't know what you're talking about." Aaron answered truthfully.  
"I'm talking about this" Robert replied as he reached down to pick something up at his feet. He sat back up holding the broken hosepipe and looked up at Aaron resting on the car window.  
Aaron looked at the hosepipe then back to Robert, lost for words. He looked down at his feet and could feel his heart rate speed up. The car made a clicking sound which made him lift his gaze back to Robert who threw the hosepipe back down at his feet. He gestured for Aaron to get in and Aaron obliged, opening the car door.

There was a silence once he'd got in. Robert was still looking down at his hands and Aaron was facing towards him, trying to answer the difficult question. He couldn't think of what to say. He knew what he was thinking when he tried to do it but now, now it's completely different, he wouldn't dream of it.  
"I didn't-" Aaron started but something caught in his throat. Emotion. "I didn't think there was anything to live for then. I felt nothing. I thought that maybe being dead, being away from all of this numbness would be better than living day in, day out alone and empty." Aaron could feel his eyes starting to well up. He wiped at them to stop his vision from blurring, so he could see Robert properly. He was still facing down to his lap. "But I didn't do it, did I? Because you saved me. You ran down that hill and begged me to help you. You helped me too, you pulled me out of that hole and made me realise how special life really is, Robert, and I know now, I know that I can get better. Hell, since then, my life has done nothing but _get_ better, because of _you_. And you think I don't want you here but I do, Robert, more than I've ever wanted anything in my life."   
Aaron had tears running down his cheeks now, not caring how soppy he sounded, because it was the truth. "Okay? I thought I was alone, but I'm not alone anymore am I? and neither are you."   
Aaron saw as Robert wiped away his own tears and looked up at him, smiling. "You're not alone." Robert reiterated softly. Aaron couldn't help but grab his hands from his lap and thread their fingers together, holding on for dear life. 

They were staring into each other's eyes, not looking away for a second when Aaron had an idea. Still looking into Robert's eyes he whispered, "I think we should go somewhere."  
Robert lifted his eyebrows, surprised, and before he could say anything, Aaron interjected, "not the beach- I don't want us to risk getting hypothermia again."  
Robert laughed then pulled his hands from Aaron's leaning his elbows on the arm of the seat and resting his head on his hands. "Ok, Dingle, where do you have in mind?"

***

The bar was almost empty. There was a couple sat at the bar and a few men sat in booths eating. Aaron got two seats at the bar and ordered two glasses of whisky. Robert was wearing one of Aaron's old shirts. A maroon one with darker patterns on it. Aaron thought it suited him and brought out the blonde in his hair. Aaron was wearing a shirt too, an oversized black one tucked into blue jeans.

The man brought over the two drinks and placed them in front of them. They picked up the glasses and brought them together, clinking the glass before drinking. Aaron laughed as Robert winced a bit at the strength, thinking back to when he'd downed an entire flask with ease the first day they'd met. After ordering another few drinks and playing footsies under the table, Robert stopped when he heard the song the band was singing.

"This song" Robert said quietly as he looked over to the live singer.   
"What about it?" Aaron asked, not taking his eyes off him for a second.  
Robert glanced over at him with a big smile on his face, "It was- It was played at my parents' wedding."  
Something tugged at Aaron's heart and his eyes softened as he looked into Roberts', glowing with happiness. He looked over to the band then looked back at Robert who was still smiling and mouthing the lyrics. Aaron stood up from his chair making Robert turn and look at him.   
"Robert Sugden, would you care to save _your_ last dance for _me_." Aaron announced, holding his hand out. Robert just laughed at the reference and blushed. "And by that I mean dance with me you idiot!" Aaron said as he waved his hand in front of Robert, encouraging him to take it. Robert breathed in deeply, took Aaron's hand and walked over to the dance floor. They bobbed around on the spot for a bit, getting used to the music before Aaron held onto Robert's arms and leaned up towards his mouth to kiss him. He felt Robert's smile against his own as he pulled back to look into his eyes. He rested his chin in the crook of Robert's neck and shoulder and they just swayed along to the music in each other's arms, without a care in the world.

They stumbled into the house in the early hours of the morning. Robert was leaning onto Aaron, giggling away - definitely slightly drunk. Aaron had only had a bit of alcohol as he needed to be sober enough to drive. Once they'd got inside the house, Robert couldn't stop kissing Aaron, not that he was complaining.

"Robert, we need to get to bed." Aaron mumbled in between kisses.  
"Let's go then." Robert whispered, leaning in to kiss him again. He pulled Aaron by the hand and lead him up the stairs quickly. Once they got into the bedroom, they pushed their mouths together again, pulling each other's jacket off.  
Aaron pulled away and put his hands on the top of Robert's, now bare, arms. "You're drunk"  
"I'm not, I swear, I want this." Robert argued trying to grab his face again.   
Aaron smiled and pecked his lips again, whispering, "I want this too."  
Robert held the sides of Aaron's face and kissed him before pushing him over to the bed and lying him down on his back. He pulled Aaron's top over his head and pushed his lips back onto his immediately. The kisses were getting sloppy now and they were both gasping for breath, threading fingers through each other's hair and gently touching each other's bare skin on their back and chest. Robert started to move his lips off of Aaron's and left a trail of kisses down his jawline and onto his neck, just below his ear.   
Aaron found himself breathing out Robert's name as he tightened his grip on his shoulder blades, feeling the pleasure override his senses. 

***

The next morning, Aaron woke up and smiled at the vivid memory of last night. He could still feel where Robert's hands had stroked along the sides of his stomach, where his lips had touched his and the feel of Robert's hair on his fingertips. He looked over at where Robert lay, facing away from him and every so gently trailed his fingers up bare arm. As he reached the top of his shoulder, he brought his fingers down his back and trailed down his spine, pulling the back of the duvet down to expose his back. His heart sunk when it unveiled more than what Aaron wanted to see.

His fingers stopped caressing the skin as he took a deep breath in and looked at the marks and bruises plastered onto Robert's back. There were about three circular pink marks on his shoulder blades and in the middle of his spine, each with a trail of bruised purple skin spread around the skin's surface. Aaron knew what they were. Cigarette burns. He'd seen them on his step-mum when he was younger. His eyes started to fuzz up when he thought about the pain that Robert must have gone through. What kind of _monster_ would do this to him? To the man who got excited over sandy beaches and sentimental songs? Aaron must have made some kind of noise because he heard Robert whisper his name and turn to face him.

"Robert, your - your back" Aaron whispered sadly as he wiped a tear from his eye. Robert tore his eyes away from Aaron's and swallowed thickly. Aaron put his hand on his cheek and gently moved his face to look up at him. "The man who was chasing you, he did this?" Aaron asked, now leaning on his elbow on top of the pillow. Without looking away, Robert nodded slowly. Aaron stroked Robert's cheek gently, making invisible patterns on his skin and watching Robert look at him sadly.   
After a few moments in silence, Robert cleared his throat.   
"I was meant to get married." he said suddenly, urgency in his voice. He expected Aaron to say something, to be annoyed but instead he looked at him understandingly and nodded. Robert held onto Aaron;s wrist and pulled his hand from his face, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and facing away from Aaron, showing the whole of his bare back. "but I didn't love him. I hadn't for years." Robert continued,"He had a hold over me, he wouldn't let me go. I had to do what he wanted or he - he would've killed me, Aaron" his voice cracked at the mention of Aaron's name and put his head in his hands. Aaron climbed over to his side of the bed and knelt behind him, carefully placing his hands on his waist. Robert turned his head to look at him with tears in his eyes.   
"I trusted him, I trusted him and he ruined me." Robert sobbed as he looked at Aaron.  
"You're not ruined Robert." Aaron assured him. " you're kind, you're charming, you're amazing. what he did doesn't define you."  
Robert sniffed and looked down at his feet. Aaron ran his fingers along the edges of the pink marks and thought back to that first day when Robert was touching the edges of his painting; his own battle scars.   
"Does it hurt?" Aaron asked softly as he gently ran his fingertips along his back.   
Robert shook his head. "No, not anymore."   
Aaron leaned over and kissed the mark to the left of Robert's shoulder blade, causing Robert to lean his head back to touch his own head on Aaron's. Aaron brought his chin up to rest on top of Robert's shoulder and could feel their cheeks against each other as he wrapped his arms around the front of Robert's chest to put his hand on his heart. 

They sat there for a while, just holding each other and feeling the steady heartbeats inside their chests. Aaron let out a deep breath and kissed Robert's shoulder before starting to get off the bed, only for his arms to be pulled back by Robert. He laughed as he fell onto Robert's back, hugging him again.  
"I've not even had my tea yet, Rob" Aaron joked, squeezing Robert's waist.   
"We're not doing anything today, you don't need it." Robert argued, turning around and trying to lay him back down on the bed.  
"Robert Sugden, not having my morning tea is a crime and you do not want to see me without it." Aaron stated half seriously. Robert let go of him and complied to Aaron's wishes, pouting.   
"Well, while you drink your tea like a grandma, i'll be in the shower." Robert answered standing up and grabbing a towel. He shot Aaron a provocative look and raised his eyebrows before disappearing behind the bathroom door. Aaron laughed and watched him go through the door. Once he'd gone, Aaron sighed. He wanted to know what happened, he wanted Robert to tell him everything, to trust him but he knew that he needed time. Aaron knew exactly how he felt about Robert and it was scary. It was scary how much he needed him already. He didn't even know how Robert felt about him and whether he felt the same way or not but for now he wanted to treasure every single moment they had together as much as he could.

***

"You didn't even look!" Robert exclaimed happily, shaking the hand he was holding Aaron's with. They were at the docks and he had spotted a squirrel in the trees on the promenade, pointing it out but Aaron had already decided he didn't like it.  
"I didn't need to look, they're creepy" Aaron stated, looking warily to wear Robert was pointing.  
"They're cute." whined Robert. showing Aaron big eyes and a pout.  
"You're cute." Aaron said softly and leaned onto his tip toes to bring his face up to Robert's and kiss him.   
Robert smiled and looked down at Aaron lovingly. He shrugged and sighed, "I know."  
Aaron giggled and pulled Robert's hand bringing him further along the pavement. 

They got to the Loch where the boats were waiting for the water to rise. Aaron jumped down from the wall separating it from the promenade.  
"We can take a short cut through here" he said, pointing past the boats and into a clearing in the woods. "It would be a good place to eat lunch."  
"Aaron Dingle, are you suggesting we have a picnic?" Robert said sarcastically but Aaron just rolled his eyes in return.  
"Shut up, or you'll be eating your lunch in there." he jokingly threatened as he pointed down into the murky water at the bottom of the Loch. Robert shuddered then jumped off the wall onto the same platform as Aaron, taking his hand and striding across to the woods. 

Aaron stopped them when they were halfway there and Robert turned to look at him. His golden hair was flying in the wind and his eyes were squinted, trying to see Aaron through the blinding light of the sun. His freckles were standing out more now that the sun was shining on them although the scrunches in his nose from him squinting were hiding most of them right now. Aaron felt something in his heart flutter as he smiled at the way Robert shined in front of him. He felt relaxed, he was content, in love and he was pretty sure that Robert felt the same way too. Before Aaron could say anything, Robert's face fell as his eyes diverted to look behind Aaron's head.

Confused, Aaron was about to turn around when he heard a loud bang and felt an agonising pain in his abdomen. His legs gave way and he collapsed to the ground, falling forwards onto his knees then onto his front. As he hit the ground, he heard another gunshot and a shout from in front of him. He look up to see Robert staggering, holding onto his stomach. Aaron desperately tried to reach up to save him but his muscles wouldn't allow him to, the pain in his stomach increasing. He watched as Robert fell onto his side heavily, landing on his right shoulder. He cried out his name but it came out quieter and softer than he'd intended. A man obstructed his view of Robert as he walked in between them. He was holding a hunting gun in his hand and his arms were covered in tattoos. Aaron strained to look up at this man's face. The man had a small smirk on his face as he watched Robert laying still on the floor on the other side of him. Aaron knew exactly who this man was and felt anger rising up inside of him as he looked into the man's cold eyes. The man just looked at Aaron struggling and dropped the gun in front of him before treading away in the opposite direction, leaving them laying helpless on the floor.  
"Robert" Aaron whimpered, he tried to pull his body along the floor and he knew he was losing blood fast, "Robert- Rob can you hear me?" He forced out as he dragged his body along the cold concrete and reached his hand out to hold Robert's.  
To Aaron's relief, he looked at Robert and he was looking back at him, his eyes shining a bright bluey green. He had blood trickling out of his mouth and his hand was covered in it. They grasped at each other's sticky hands and lay looking into each other's eyes. Aaron tried to tell Robert urgently, he needed to tell him he loved him - he didn't know how much time they were going to have left.

He thought about the day they went to the beach. How they stood at the bottom of the stairs hugging, how they were so comfortable in silence, a long as they had each other. 

He thought about their dance, how in that moment, nothing mattered. It was just them, together and they didn't want to be anywhere else.

He thought about the car journeys. How Robert would sit and watch the world go by, completely mesmerised by life.

He thought about the drawings Robert had left on the condensation of the car window; two stick men holding hands.

And most importantly, he thought about that first night. That first night Robert had stayed and asked Aaron to be in bed with him - because he didn't want to be alone. He'd trusted Aaron from the very first moment they laid eyes on each other and he was still trusting him in perhaps the last moment they ever will.

Robert was the first to close his eyes. His eyelids were dropping and his breathing was getting shallow. His grip on Aaron's hand loosened as his body went limp. Aaron sobbed as he squeezed Robert's hand and cried his name, trying to get him to open his eyes again. The pain was too strong and Aaron had tried so hard to stay awake- at least until help was there but his eyelids, too, started to droop and his strength was deteriorating. His head fell onto a rest on the concrete and slowly, everything went black.

***

"Aaron? Aaron can you hear me?" a female voice called out. He didn't recognise it, it as just white noise in between the ringing in his ear. He then felt someone touching his stomach and pain shot through his body, causing him to yelp. He opened his eyes and a bright white light was blinding him, only to be covered by a woman's face. She had a panicked expression on er face and was calling to someone behind her. She said his name again.  
"Aaron? Stay with me, alright? This is going to hurt but keep your eyes open for me, okay?  
He nodded at her weakly and felt the sharp pain in his stomach and he couldn't hold back the sob that left his mouth. The woman had a relieved smile on her face when she looked back at him, still awake. "Okay, well done Aaron the worst part is over now. We're just getting you to the hospital." Suddenly the bed jolted and he saw the woman leaning back onto the other side of the room and sat on a seat. He was in an ambulance. Then the realisation hit.   
"Where's Robert?" he managed to whisper out, looking over at the woman. Her face suddenly turned to worry as she made eye contact with the man stood at the other end of the room. Aaron said it again, louder this time, "Where's Robert?"   
He could feel his heart racing and tears began to collect in his eyes. The woman finally stood up and walked over to him, checking the machine hanging above him.   
"He's being treated," she explained, "he left in a different ambulance, I don't know where they're taking him. I'm sorry."  
Aaron's heart sunk and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from falling. Robert was alone. He was alone and Aaron wasn't there to tell him things will get better. He hoped Robert wasn't awake and that he wasn't freaking out as much as he was right now. Then he thought of what he wished he'd never thought of, _what if Robert was dead? What if they took him to another hospital because he was dying?_ Dread surrounded Aaron's body as he was being wheeled out of the ambulance. A mask was placed over his mouth and then his eyelids dropped again as everything faded away.

***

He was in hospital being monitored for a few days. He was well enough to move around but the only trips he could make without his wheelchair were to the toilet and back. The bullet damaged his small intestine badly so digesting and releasing food was difficult. He'd lost a lot of blood in theatre and before he went in he'd wished the one thing that he never thought he'd wish. _Don't let me die._ If this had happened a week earlier, his wish would be a very different story. In the last few days he'd realised how much he wanted to live, and more importantly: _who_ he wanted to live for. 

Aaron sat at the window in his wheelchair. He liked to watch the people in the park opposite. Mainly children but elderly couples would sometimes go to sit on the benches. He smiled as he imagined living to eighty with the person he loved, together forever.   
The nurse was tidying up the bed sheets on the empty beds dotted around the room and as she got to the one next to where Aaron was sitting, she gave him a sympathetic smile. He gave her the same expression and then looked back outside to continue watching the couple on the bench.  
He heard someone walk up behind him quietly, probably barefoot. He felt the touch of fabric on the side of his neck and looked down at the hand holding his shoulder. A grey sock was covering the hand and was held to look like a face - it had a googly eyes glued on the seam to make it more obvious. Aaron laughed and pulled the arm holding the sock down so he was holding it across his chest over his heart and felt the other arm do the same, holding his other shoulder.

"Hi," Aaron whispered as he snuggled into the arms holding him.  
"Hi" Robert whispered back, resting his face onto Aaron's shoulder and tilting his head to leave a kiss on the side of his neck.   
Aaron leaned into his touch and closed his eyes, wishing for everything to stay like this forever.

**_the end._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and if you have any questions, please ask! I really enjoyed writing this fic as i love both the song and the music video - i recommend giving it a watch.


End file.
